GOLD STAR MEMBERS

Appetite Changes, Shock, Crying, Insomnia, Short of Breath, Anxious, Digestion Problems, Confusion, Sighting, Fatigue, Dizziness, Change in Sexual Desire, Trembling, Empty Feeling, Lowered Immunity, Dry Throat, Headache, Menstrual Difficulties, Change in Activity Level, Muscle Spasms, Anguish,  Relieved, Depressed and Fear.

Disorganized, Forgetful, Apathetic, Disoriented, Withdrawn, Unable to Concentrate, Regression, Critical, Day Dreaming, Substance Abuse, Preoccupied w/Deceased, Sense Deceased, Perform Rituals, Isolated, Wearing Deceased’s Belongings, Seek Forgiveness,

The death of a child or spouse is one of the most difficult of all loss experiences.  Age does not have anything to do with the depth of the pain and grief experienced when someone we love dies.  There are some aspects of grief that parents and spouses of a loved one die.

Add to those differences the circumstances of being in the military and you have some additional defining factors in you grief.

Your child or spouse lived away from home while serving in the military.

You may not have access to daily contact with your loved one. 

You may not have access to a great deal of information about your child or spouse present lives (friends, activities, etc).

You may not have belonged to or been involved with you child’s or spouses military unit.

You may have lived a long distance from your child’s or spouses military unit.

Your child’s or spouse’s military life may be quite unique unfamiliar to you (especially if you do not have a military background).

You may feel especially isolated if there is few others with you loss experience in your local area.

You may not be familiar with all the rules, regulations and customs of the military.  Some may seem unnecessary, to restrictive or “uncaring”.

Your own support system may not be able to respond as well as you wish, especially if there is any political overtone to the death (i.e. died in a conflict that may not be “popular”).

You may not have access to you child’s or spouses possessions or may have to rely on others to gather and send them to you.

You may not be able to get as much information about the death as you would like.

You may not understand the commitment to the military and its mission and may resent your child’s or spouses sacrifice.

You may become angry (at least temporarily) with your child or spouse for being in such an “unsafe” environment.

There are many paths through grief, so find the one that makes sense to you.

Do not let the circumstances of the death rob you of he memories, joy and wonder of your child’s or spouses life.

No mater the relationship between you, you loved each other in some manner and remembering that will help you along the path of grief.

Sometimes all we can remember is what we have “lost”.  We keep lists of the things we will never know or experience.

Sometimes in the pain of grief, we “lost” the joy of your child or spouses life and then grief becomes a way of life, rather than a journey towards healing.

Allow you’re self to acknowledge you grief and its uniqueness and then find ways to help yourself take the steps necessary to begin the journey.

You do not have to be alone as you grieve unless you wish to be so.

There are many resources to help you, although no one and nothing can do grief for you.

Then and only then, can you begin to discover there is hope in this dark place and there are many hands reaching out to help you travel.

Your child or spouse LIVED and you LOVED him/her and you still do.  You do not stop loving someone just because death has come.  Find joy of your child’s or spouses LIFE and let the legacy you carry on.  HURT lasts a long, long time.  LOVE will last forever.

Grief is a NATURAL and NORMAL reaction to loss… loss of any kind.

It is a physical, emotional, spiritual and psychological response.

The death of a loved one is perhaps the most devastating loss one may experience.  Yet grief occurs following ANY change in our lives. Even positive changes can bring a momentary grief response.

Grief is a complex process, guided by our experiences, our religious beliefs, our socioeconomic situation, our physical health and the cause of the loss.

LOVE, ANGER, FEAR, FRUSTRATION, LONELINESS and GUILT are the part of grief.  It is important to understand that grief is NOT a sign of weakness nor lack of faith.  GRIEF IS TH4E PRICE WE PAY FOR LOVE.

Grieving may cause physical and behavioral changes such as: sleep, irregularities, and changes in appetite, gastro-intestinal disturbances, “heart ache”, restlessness, spontaneous crying, irritability, sighting and muscle tension.

Anger and guilt are common emotions.  You may feel angry with God, your child, spouse or with others either involved or totally separate from the death.  You may be angry with your self.  Guilt feelings often accompany or follow anger.  You may begin to wonder if you are going crazy.

Depression, feelings of emptiness or hollowness may temporarily overcome you.  You may experience headaches, tightness in the throat or chest, muscle aches, or burning sensation in you stomach.  GRIEF HURTS!  You may, for a while become preoccupied with images of your loved one.  You may “see” or sense your loved one presence.  You may begin to wonder if you are going crazy.

You can help yourself through grief.

Acknowledge the loss.

Accept the pain of grief.  Try to live THROUGH it, do not avoid it.

Share you thoughts and feelings.  Find enough compassionate listeners.  You can talk more than one person can listen.

Understand that each person has an individual timetable for grief.  Each person grieves separately and differently.  We move through grief at our won pace.

Find you sense of humor.  Try to hang on to it!

Accept yourself.  Understand you are someone new.  Acknowledge that change.

Begin to become the person you already are…

Remember, though death comes, LOVE NEVER GOES AWAY!!!

A FEW SIMPLE STIPS TOWARDS HEALING

Acknowledge the loss

Embrace and own the experience and the loss whatever you are feeling

Allow you’re self to experience ALL the emotions of grief

Find ways to express your anger and pain in non-destructive ways

Find supports.  Build a support system of compassionate listeners

Skip the self-judgment.  Let the judgment of others pass through you without damage

Forgive your self for whatever you believe you have done or not done

Release the hurts, the anger, the guilt.  Be careful what you release.  Once released, you cannot have that hurt, anger or guilt again.

WORK TOWARDS HEALING

Practice forgiving yourself for living

Concentrate on your loved one’s LIFE, not the death

Discover the person you are NOW

Begin to release the hurt in search of HOPE

Never forget your loved one LIVED

MAY LOVE BE WHAT YOU REMEMBER THE MOST